before that sometimes blogging can present a perfect world.We gush about the things we love, the people
we care about, the things we are learning, new Spiritual insights etc. It isn’t
necessarily the intention of the writer to present things as perfect but it can
be interpreted as ‘all good’ and even stir up jealousy.It’s hard to be vulnerable in writing (or in
life for that matter) and I’ve heard an author say that there is a fine line
between honesty and privacy.
I don’t know
about you but when I read blogs, I read between the lines.I know that what I’m reading is simply a
glimpse, a snapshot into someone’s world.It’s not the whole picture and on some level you have to take what they
are saying as what they are willing/able to share.Some things are meant for the ears of trusted
friends-which isn’t to say that we are allowed to be dishonest in our sharing
but that there are boundaries for things we put out in public.For readers I suppose there is a fine
line between judgment and insight.
thing I think about it is that when words are written, sometimes they sound
beautiful simply because they are written.Writing tends to zoom in and even create perspective.For example I could tell you that today my
mother-in-law took all my ladies to a concert.I could tell you that while my kids were gone, supper was made and a
friend stopped by with freshly baked cinnamon buns.Sitting down and enjoying a cup of coffee with
a cinnamon bun while the sunlight penetrated though the window was incredible! I
could tell you that my husband was in his office for the morning and back for
supplies shortly after he left and that it makes my heart warm when he is
around.These things sound amazing-and
really they are amazing.Putting it into
words sometimes makes even me, the one who experienced these things, see them in
a different light.
I could leave you, the reader, with this
picture of pleasant gifts and trust that you know this is not my ‘everyday’ but
my today.However, I could go on and tell you that sometimes
when I write about good gifts like these, in my heart I struggle with wanting to
be defensive about the break I am having from my children.I want to qualify to the world that mostly I
am home with my children all day because I home school.I want
you to know that the concert started a noon so you don’t think my kids were
gone at dawn.Part of me may want to
clarify that just because Dan was home this morning, doesn’t mean I get to see
him or have his attention like I want it. I might want to hide the fact that
although the concert was a noon concert, my girls didn’t get home till 4:30.
So if I
present the first perspective of all the sweet gifts I received today, would the
reader know all the other things?Does the
reader need to know?These thoughts
show me a whole new level of gratitude that I am missing in my life.They zoom in on something that I could choose
to write about or leave for my own contemplation.
So here, I
go, zooming in further just to show you that the lens can focus closer even if it
makes me squirm.If I have these good
things, why do I feel defensive?Because
deep down I want people to recognize the things about my life that I think are
hard?Is it that I appreciate the good
things I was given today but that part of me is not fully thankful-there is a ‘but’
in the thankfulness-almost a mistrust of the gifts God has given instead of a
humbled, in awe of His tenderness, fully abandoned of self, gratitude?Sometimes writing exposes more for the writer
than for the reader!
I want you
to know that I AM grateful for the gifts God gives me.I am not saying that I am not.What I am saying is that the contentedness
does not always go deep down even when there is gratitude.I
could stop at all the beautiful (or what I recognize as beautiful because all
of the hard stuff is truly beautiful too-that’s a whole other blog post!) and
leave it there and still be being honest and trust the reader to know that life
isn’t all roses.The other choice is
keep writing and expose a bit of my soul.Does that make me more honest?I
don’t think so-it broadens the lens and opens up a bit more of the landscape
but that is a choice not a requirement.
So I think what it comes down to is the perspective of
both the reader and writer.Writers have
to keep in mind how they present things and readers have to keep in mind that
the lens of words cannot expose everything all at once.Words paint pictures, some of them are black
and white, and some of them are full color. Some of them are zoomed in; some of
them are zoomed out.Sometimes, you
might have to guess what is in the surrounding landscape and sometimes the
author displays it.
This isn't as scrunchy as it gets but it's all I could capture. This face is Brie's way of engaging you in conversation and ensuring that you take her seriously. It's big girl conversation baby-cause as much as she LOVES being our littlest, she needs to know she is one of the big girls too!
Monday-I was happy it was a holiday as we had
gone to MBC from Friday night to Sunday. It was a house cleaning, get ready for the school year day!
Tuesday-I started out very eager and armed
with school schedules and meal plans. I ended up wondering (but knowing that
God is able) how I could face the next day of school. It had been a terrible no
good start to school. We ended up at Nana's who had a birthday present for
Ksena and a listening ear for the home school Mama.
Wednesday-we skipped school! Seriously, the
second day of school and we skipped! I hesitated doing this and wanted to stick
to our schedule but had two good reasons to allow the day to slip and use it
for what was necessary. It was Ksena's birthday and she thought that having a
day off school would be fun and we had an appointment in London with a urologist
An appointment time of 11:15 is smack dab in
the middle of a day and really messes up routine. We also had a beautiful
birthday dress to exchange while we were in London for a different size. So the
day was spent dealing with a doctor appointment and then celebrating with a
lunch at the mall for the birthday girl before finding the right size dress at
I tried a couple of dresses on myself, for my
sister Amy's upcoming wedding.This made
me once again realize the wisdom in not shopping with four little people in toe
the change room. On our way home we kept the birthday treats coming at the Tim
Horton's drive through. When we arrived home it was 2:00 and time to start
prepping Ksena's birthday supper.
By the end of the day, I realized that our
summer rhythm still needs to work it’s way out of our system and its ok to ease
into the new school year. I had texted a friend from our gymnastics class to
see how her school year was going and she said that they were taking it slow.
It dawned on me that in my eagerness to have an organized year, I had dumped us
right into hard work and regimented schedules. That is like dumping cold water
on a sleeping person!
Thursday-the 'it's ok to ease into a new
school year' voice started becoming clearer. The girls woke up and pulled books
off the shelf without their mother insisting that we must follow the schedule
and eat breakfast and do chores first. We finished up our core subjects in
hopes of making it to Park Day (which is still part of the summer rhythm).
Dan had also asked me to bring some papers to
the bank and I had some mail I had to send out, so I had put the mail, bank
papers and cell phone on the mat by the front door. I sent the kids to the van as I was putting
on make-up to compensate for my bed head (which could not be fixed without a
shower, blow dry and straightening) when Mia informed me that the dog had eaten
through the envelope that had to go to the bank and I heard Esmé screaming
because she fell out of the van trying to get in. We dealt with those disasters
as well as situated the girls in the back seat of the van along with a desk I
had bought from Wal-Mart the evening before with plans to return it.
We were on our way when Sen started shriek-crying“WE, OWE OWE!!!” and the Mom responded with
"USE words! I am driving and can't look at what is happening! etc
The box with the desk in it had slid onto her
leg-ouch. We arrived at Super Store, where we do our banking at PC Financial. I
marched in with my band of children and promptly handed the papers to the bank
man. He asked me what the phone number on our account is, at which point my
blood pressure started to rise.I asked
the bank man if my bank card would suffice as I frantically texted Dan to ask
him which number to give the bank man. You see we have moved and changed our
home number twice and we each have cell numbers. How could I know which number
we have listed on our account? It seems that whenever I have a simple errand to
run for my husband, it gets complicated.
My eyes darted around to ensure that all four
children were by my side (which they weren't). I ordered the two littlest
children back to my side The bank card worked and we continued on to Park
Day-late as usual but happy to be there. I called Dan on the way to the park
and told him that Ez had fallen out of the van, the dog had eaten through the
bank envelope, the desk had fallen on Sen, and the bank needed a PHONE NUMBER!The humor of it hit me, through the blinding
stress of mundane frustrations, as I rattled off all the disasters to my Dan.
Friday-we are in one piece, the house is
clean (Dan said it had a clean 'aura' last night. lol), the core subjects are
finished and the weekend is ready to take over with Sunday school teaching
beginning and birthday coffee to prep for.
I just took a deep breath of knowing that God
loves us in all of these busy and sin filled days-He wipes us clean of the
ugliness of shouting, fighting, being easily frustrated etc. His grace is our
garment and with that I am armed- not for the school year but for each step of
everyday. The whole of the school year
is still hard to see past and I will need His grace to help me remember to take
one step at a time.
Thanks for reading through this school week!
I've SO enjoyed all the back to school excitement on Facebook!
Grandpa Luiting says Ksena is Mel and Tiana is Taunya...He would know.
Esmé lost her fist tooth!
These two cousins LOVE each other!! It is so sweet.
You know the proverb that talks about falling into your own trap...
...well the girls found out exactly what that means. They had built the hole for U.Derek to fall into but I advised them against it. They had fun falling in themselves.
Have you ever seen Puff Balls? ...or tasted them? We have them in our back yard.
Hey, you! You wanna play?
Nana gave Brie an early birthday present. Her birthday is on Sunday and we hope to be at MBC for the weekend.
Beautiful new dress and a special card with a pic of a dog that looks just like our puppy.
Say what!??! OH! SO sorry! Have you been waiting for an update on the house. My apologies. The framers have become a little disgruntled that my lack of blogging could make them look slow. Let me assure you, they have been busy and will probably be finished tomorrow-they are far from slow!
The boom truck broke down during the middle of lifting trusses!
Pouring the basement floor-a fabulous new place to bike!
Apparently not afraid of heights...
...Derek is blending in with the trees in this pic...Do you see him?